Words Have Power

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We hear this all the time.  “Words matter.” “Words are important.”  Most of us carefully choose our words in texts, email and when we are in person talking to others.  We are usually not as careful in the words that swirl in our own heads.

We beat ourselves up with words like:

  • I can’t believe you did that

  • You are a terrible mother

  • You messed that up

  • You can never do that.

We would NEVER say that to others, but that is exactly what we say to ourselves. Our inner mean guy (I call it an inner meanie!) can be pretty terrible.   I wish I had a magic wand (if someone has one, please let me know!) to magically stop you from beating yourself up. 

You don’t have a magic wand, but you do have some power in this situation.  That inner dialog comes from old conversations with old friends, your parents, your teachers and even your coaches.  Those are the voices that live “rent-free” in your brain. 

So how do you remove them?

In the short term, you don’t remove them.  You become aware of them. Try this next time you recognize that you are beating yourself up.

Imagine that a friend (or you child) has just said what you said to yourself. Reframe the words for your “friend” and say them back to yourself.   Those words tend to change quite a bit.

  • From: I can’t believe you did that ➡️To: We all make mistakes.  You will do better next time

  • From: You are a terrible mother ➡️To: Think of all the good things you do as a mother

  • From: You messed that up➡️To: Oops!  You will do better next time

  • From: You can never do that ➡️To: Just try it.  I’ll be there for you.

Over time, just by noticing the words and reframing them, research shows that this will help you feel better.  This technique is actually a part of Cognitive Behavioral Therapy (CBT), a technique used by therapists.   

To quiet your inner meanie long term, you can work to heal from the trauma of the parental meanness, or the coach that yelled at you, or the generational or past life trauma that causes you to beat yourself up.  Once you heal from those traumas, your inner voice becomes much nicer 😊

If you need help with this, set up an appt here.  I look forward to you hearing different words from your inner meanie!